I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
