Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
