Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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