there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
