Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
