Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
