my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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