i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
