What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
