I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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