So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
