we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
