Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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