so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
