umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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