the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
