He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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