you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
