i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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