oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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