Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize