sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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