I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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