so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
