ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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