I'm gonna have a badass scar
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
