between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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