I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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