I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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