we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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