It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
