Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I died a long time ago.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
