My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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