The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
