A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
