I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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