I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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