whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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