thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
