you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
