Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
