Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
