I smell stomach acid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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