glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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