Screwed.edu
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
