Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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