Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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