My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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