Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
