that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
