Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize