Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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