shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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