drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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