Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
