Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
