How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
