Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
