Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
