If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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