Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize